Rotters Lose, Blame Englishman

The Royal Raleigh Rotters Football and Gardening Society fell to 3-2 Tuesday night, with a tragic, soul-destroying 3-1 loss to the hated Strykers. Said Strykers were handed two penalty kicks, providing more evidence of the TASL Anti-Rotters Conspiracy. The retrograde Rotters are now 0-3 against the Strykers, a fact that does not sit well with the Persons in Black.

The reeling Rotters immediately looked to place blame for their two-game losing streak, and quickly settled on Enormous Englishman Jon Lowy (pictured left). The Sizeable Saxon has been absent for the last two Rotter losses, on so-called "business trips" spreading the Gospel of Zinc. Reached for comment, the Absent Anglo said, "My fault-- I was sunning my [backside] in South Beach, Miami." The Loveable Large Limey will be departing soon for his gloomy native land, thereby plunging Rotter Nation into eternal darkness and defeat.

The lone Rotter goal was score with spectacular aplomb by Ed "Shred" Shred. But the game highlight came when Sam successfully incited a Stryker yellow card by placing his finger into the ear of a female opponent. A Wet Willy, perhaps? The feisty Stryker shot back with, "Get your [fluffin'] finger out of my ear." Sam said, "Wha?" His Stryker victim repeated her profanity-laced tirade, drawing a yellow card from the esteemed Ref and inspiring moral outrage in many a Rotter. If there is one thing a Rotter hates, it's naughty language.

Despite the despair and desperation of the current situation, this reporter is certain that we will soon see a patented Rotter Rebounding Resurgence, with many, many wins, at least against the crappy teams. Rise, Rotters, rise, and answer the call of your rotten destiny!