Germans Sell Van of Freedom, Flee Country

The Van of Freedom. At first glance, just another late twentieth century Detroit design failure. But if you squint just a little, you can see the red and blue stripes across the white background, some stars, and perhaps the hint of an eagle's head on the driver's side door. Driven across desert, prarie, and fruited plains, it broke down only occasionally, and Mormons were always on hand to push it out of the ditch. It runs smoothly, except between 35 and 55 mph, but what matter a few knocks and pings when you are riding in the lap of Liberty.

But then it was time for the Grabingers to return to the Old World-- time to pawn off this John Wayne of family vehicles. Blue Book value? $3,400, as Sam has told us all dozens of times. That boy sure knows his Blue Book. Even at this bargain price, the American People would not buy. Like TS Elliot and David Hasselhoff, the Van of Freedom is under-appreciated in its native land. The price fell to $1,800. Buyers tried to negotiate exotic leveraged purchase deals using transatlantic remittances. Sam stood by his car and his price. Finally, with one day left before the Great Immigration, he caved. $1,350, to a man from Angier. Detroit weeps. What's worse, Sam will soon convert these honest greenbacks into "Euros," some multi-colored form of money invented by Belgians.

Weep not, Rotters. We will see them soon, here, there, or perhaps at a neutral location like Iceland. They have bars there. The Atlantic Ocean is but a puddle within the confines of the ever expanding Rotter Empire.

Germans Have 7th Going Away Party

We gathered once more at the Grabinger estate in bucolic Johnston County. It was the same as it always has been, except different. An illusionist set up in the garage, doing his dark work, the devil's artisan come to deceive fuzzy Rotter minds. He made cards appear. He made them disappear. He made Mike's cigarette disappear. He made other stuff appear and disappear. He made people come up with stupid theories about how he did it all. We were confused, and we liked it.

Then, a new honorary Rotter named Tinker began to stoke the fire with diesel, an old Johnston County fire tending trick. You can just barely see him in the picture above, given his stealthy use of camouflage. Tinker would occasionally drift in from the woods, throw some petrochemical on the fire, and the melt away back into the wilderness. Was he too a devil's artisan?

Such was the 7th or perhaps 8th going away party for the glorious Grabingers. The meat, the beer, Brian, the pretzels, the large drinking vessels. This was one last party in their honor, if you don't count the four or five others that would happen in the weeks ahead. Our hearts will miss you, but our livers will be glad to see you go.

Rotter Bowl One Article, Business Cliche Version

(standard English version further down in blog)

Responding to first quarter market changes, RRR LLC re-branded its Sunday pickup game as "Rotter Bowl I," a high-potential entrepreneurial concept that will be leveraged into game-changing innovation in the recreational sports submarket space.  RRR positioned its new brand by leveraging pre- and post-game beer to enhance the consumer experience.  The Rotters showed that they can move nimbly within the superstructure of this new space, leveraging their entrepreneurial re-branding to enhance their positioning in the global marketplace going forward.  At the end of the day, the learnings from this spinoff venture will be leveraged to inform future startups, and will produce extensive new-media and old-media content to build brand recognition and loyalty.

What Might Have Happened at Rotter Bowl I

Skillful play.  Stunning acts of athleticism.  Mind-boggling goals.  These things might have happened at the historic first Rotter Bowl, held February 17th, 2008 CE.

Several innovative Rotters met before the game at Rotter Aly and Rotter Enabler Beth's house, to test the theory that holding a victory celebration before the game would guarantee a victory for at least one side.  How can a victory not result, if it has already been celebrated?  This type of logic persisted for the entire day, and in fact the hallmark of the cunning Rotter Mind.

Rotter Bowl was unique among Rotter/Bloody Mary Sunday games, in that a "score" was kept and one team "won" by accumulating more points than the other team.  There was initially some debate whether the greater or lesser score should prevail, but it was decided that neither golf nor Uno were being played, and thus the higher total should carry the day.

There were other anomalies.  Each team almost wore the same color.  There were costumes-- pimp, redneck, semi-formal guy, wigged-Aly, strangely-dressed Ty.  The field was almost full size.  The goal was full size and rectangular, in contrast to the traditional rhombus-shaped undersized goals favored at Lions Park.  Lions Park was abandoned for the day, in favor of the Dix Landfill Mound.  And, there were numerous spectators.  (What were they thinking?)

Who in fact "won?"  Why, the Cynical Hobos, probably 7-4, over the Apathetic Mimes.  Charles, Chris and this reporter scored for the Horrible Hobos.  Other people score also, for both teams.  The ball was kicked into the woods several times.  People went and got it.  Jeff explored the bounds of goalkeeping using innovative "Soccer 2.0" methods, moving up to, and in fact past, midfield on occasion.  Was it even goalkeeping?  It's so paradigm-shifting we don't even have a word for it.  And, there were awards and a continued victory celebration after the game.  

Other stuff probably happened as well, and it was momentous stuff, but I don't remember it.  But we will always remember at least part of Rotter Bowl I as a memorable day in the foggy annals of Rotter history.

Pictures are below.  I appear in several of them and I look happy.  Others can be found elsewhere on the "internet" in various Buckets of Photos.  Thank you once again for your readership.