Rotters Kruise and Krash in Kirby Derby

Several Members of the Royal Raleigh Rotters Football and Crossdressing Society recently turned out to race in the "Kirby Derby," an annual street carnival held in a small weird West Raleigh neighborhood each summer solstice.

Mike "Mama" Carpenter and Suleman "Spandex" Anwari were two Rotters clearly unafraid to explore the outer bounds of their sexuality. This reporter, for one, was impressed and, yes, a little curious.

The two semi-feminine Rotter Hotties mounted their Rotter Hot-Cycle and awaited the start of the race. The two transexual craftsmen had hastily stapled a piece of plywood to two off-brand big-wheels. How could it not work?

And, they were off! They hurtled down the hill at speeds exceeding 7 mph, but then tragedy struck! Like Icarus, like Evel Kneivel at Snake River Canyon, they had challenged the laws of nature and lost. Their craft shattered in one thousand pieces, or at least four, revealing itself to be a total piece of shit. The two hairy queens skulked sheepishly off the course, dragging their shattered vehicle behind them.

The next Rotter Shit-Mobile consisted of a door with some sort of wheels hastily nailed to the bottom. Jeff W and Chris O' Shagenassiey were set to pilot this doomed craft. Thankfully, this pair had chosen to stay within the bounds of their god-given gender. The duo and their door hurtled down the hill with suprising speed. But, inexplicable, someone had placed a "curve" halfway down the hill. What a dastardly trick! This wiley change in direction would require the ability to steer. How can one be expected to plan for such a thing? The doomed door-mobile crashed into the haybales, signifying yet another humiliating Rotter fuckup.

But, leave it to Rotter injured reserveman Jacob "Coastin'" Osten to save the day. Recycling his victorious craft from last year, a determined Jacob sailed on to victory, or at least did pretty well, I wasn't really watching at that point. Hats off to you, Dr. Osten, if you indeed won. If not, who cares.

We would be remiss not to mention William P. Alphin's clever "one-legged pirate in a wheelchair" get-up for the parade. The disabled bucaneer served as an inspiration for injured Rotters everywhere. May we heal quickly, so we can hurt ourselves again!