For those of you who haven't been out to play lately, the Large Hadron Collider over there in France has, apparently, created some kind of Hawking Radiation, black hole decay-related "wrinkle in time" that has wreaked havoc on our game. Some crazy feces (censorship for Pete "Clean Blog a.k.a. Big Wuss" Farquhar) went down.Space-time trouble # 1:
Some people from a parallel universe--a space-time thread similar to our own in which the Rotters are younger, faster, and more attractive than the ones in this space-time thread--started showing up at our game. They were nice and all (they really were. And hot, too), but they made our numbers 30+, not to mention stretching the very fabric of reality to the point of breaking. The problem was resolved before any major vortices formed. I suspect that our own physicist, Christopher O' Shagnasty himself, intervened from up there in DC at his reactor-thingy.
Space-time trouble #2:
The time-wrinkle is all solved, except for a one-hour lag. For some reason Chris's adjustments made it so that the sun sets an hour earlier. Our response to this will be: START TIME FOR SUNDAY IS NOW 3 PM. Tell the other Rotters.
A Footnote: this article has not yet been sent for peer review. The hypotheses detailed here are speculative.
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Since The LHC (Large Hadron Collider) makes use of particle acceleration, and my SMaRTNeLiE (Superconducting Magnet Ramped Trapping Neutron Lifetime Experiment) maked use of particle decelleration, there maintains a net conservation of Energy across the two continents, which for reasons yet uncalculable has cause the sun to set roughly 3 hours early. The strange thing is that it always seems to pick Sunday as the day to set earlier than the last.
In addition to Dr. O'shag's SmaRTNeLiE, Dr. Suleman and I are working on an extremely high-tech project we're calling the "Asynchronous Stealth Satellite Between Uranus and Saturn Taco Evaporation Raygun" System, or ASSBUSTER for short... The thing is kind of dangerous, but we will only use it against the Chapel Hill Taco Team, and it might not even work anyway, so what the hell.
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