Germans Sell Van of Freedom, Flee Country

The Van of Freedom. At first glance, just another late twentieth century Detroit design failure. But if you squint just a little, you can see the red and blue stripes across the white background, some stars, and perhaps the hint of an eagle's head on the driver's side door. Driven across desert, prarie, and fruited plains, it broke down only occasionally, and Mormons were always on hand to push it out of the ditch. It runs smoothly, except between 35 and 55 mph, but what matter a few knocks and pings when you are riding in the lap of Liberty.

But then it was time for the Grabingers to return to the Old World-- time to pawn off this John Wayne of family vehicles. Blue Book value? $3,400, as Sam has told us all dozens of times. That boy sure knows his Blue Book. Even at this bargain price, the American People would not buy. Like TS Elliot and David Hasselhoff, the Van of Freedom is under-appreciated in its native land. The price fell to $1,800. Buyers tried to negotiate exotic leveraged purchase deals using transatlantic remittances. Sam stood by his car and his price. Finally, with one day left before the Great Immigration, he caved. $1,350, to a man from Angier. Detroit weeps. What's worse, Sam will soon convert these honest greenbacks into "Euros," some multi-colored form of money invented by Belgians.

Weep not, Rotters. We will see them soon, here, there, or perhaps at a neutral location like Iceland. They have bars there. The Atlantic Ocean is but a puddle within the confines of the ever expanding Rotter Empire.